[ The Memories ]
+January 2006+
+February 2006+
+March 2006+
+April 2006+
Saturday, April 29, 2006
I have moved to http://PrinceEloi.blogspot.com as part of the in sync development.
+ [ Eloi ] r e m e m b e r agains + 10:54 AM
Sunday, March 05, 2006
Since I was little, I have nothing much to speak about. I cannot play musical instrument, neither can I run like cheetah or have looks that memerize people. So I always dream to become a wizard. To fufill people dream, by conjuring things.
Till this days, I still dream of that, but no longer I long to help people but instead I want to help myself. After all this years, I have neglected no one except me. Magic do not exist in this world, many might tell me but I smiled and said money seems to fit the slot where magic lies.
I really ponder and ponder, my sharp senses and accute business mind. Was all this signs of my wish fulfilling. Am I realli a magician now?
All the while I thought yes, I can indeed make many impossible turn possible. I have corrected dejected people to champions. But what I realized eventually is, I can do, I can force. But eventually all changes taken 2 hands to clap. If i help, and they person do not help him or herself. It is all futile. I have one last way to let her stay, but will she ever accept it? No, I doubt so, she is a strong gal and that is why I am attracted to her. No will be the answer.
So yet again I admit to fate. All is lost from day one.
+ [ Eloi ] r e m e m b e r agains + 8:01 AM
Saturday, February 25, 2006
For
Her "Jie"
Her "Colleague"
Against
My best friend
My classmates
Even score for support. It is becoming a tough choice, maybe all is set already. Like as usual my perception just screw everything up. I just have utterly damn twisted perception, that I must admit after all. Against party mention that they are trying to cheat my money and all are in cohorde with one and other. But I beg to defer, I am a bloody NSF. They knew that so they know I am one poor ass. What money could they cheat out of me? Or maybe my dressing suggest I am some rich spoilt brat? Yes true, she is a china girl, but I had learned to see people beyond their skin colour and their nationality. One of my best pal is an indian or another one is a gay, I respect them they respect me, simple as that.
So I not sure what they doing with all those sterotyping, for those supporting me. I appreciate it, and they were really frank with me. They told me to not give up, for they mention that Singaporean seems to love to give up just because they are not on par with their competition.
In the matter of heart, it is not about value for money or whatever comparision we getting, but more of the feeling. I hope they are right.
+ [ Eloi ] r e m e m b e r agains + 11:08 AM
There I am broke. Damn freaking broke.
Yet everyday I drag my tired body to see her, pay to see her.
The happiness i get is akin to pay per view video. My best friend said I am real dumb.
But do I really have a choice? Yes, I do. But I chose not to.
A happiness within me, I lost long ago. If you can buy it, will u?
Even if I knew she cheated me, I will still go and get cheated.
Day and night I dream of her, she not pretty but she can definitely make me smile.
She once asked me, if I have other international models to be my girlfriend, will I not be happier. Since all guys love pretty ladies, I told her what is used with all the beauty if she canont make me smile. Beauty in 10 to 20 years time will fade and ages, it is the smile she bring you that maintain the relationship.
The more I think, the more I feel like an old man. Seeking love in geylang. Good gosh, I know of people who go there, becoz their wife can no longer bring love to them. It is not SEX that they go for, it is the care and concern that they can pay for that make them happy.
Who do not wish to be adored and loved? If I have a choice, to be a rich superstar or be a well loved guy with a decent job. I rather have the second one.
+ [ Eloi ] r e m e m b e r agains + 11:01 AM
In the past, all my superior always pat on my shoulder and tell me when you one day succeed do not forget me. They always tell me my sharp accute business sense holds the key to my success.
That was what I believe then, for all my actions won praise and recognition. I am the absolute definition to sucess.
But I look at what I did to S, I was damn ashamed. Just because of slight miscommunication, I was fuming mad and jumping around doubting her love. My aggressiveness probably scare her off I guess. I am a man of little patience I guess, short and sharp is what I am known for. Probably that is why she mention I am not compatible with her.
But seriously I beg to defer, it is her that can bring patience within me. Sometime I really doubted my ability to judge. For apparently, my judgement was probably very right, just that I have too much mistrust in people. That sort of distort my judgements real badly.
+ [ Eloi ] r e m e m b e r agains + 10:53 AM
Sunday, February 19, 2006
Sometime I am not sure if I am dumb, or freaking dumb. Or just that everyone love to confuse me.
Today was a very tired day for me, just came back from 24 hr guard duty. But the whole night was I managed to nap a bit, I was smiling. Why? The reason is simple because someone finally managed to make me smile.
So off I went with this very special someone, special in every aspect. I was so happy and waited under her house. Finally met her and decided to go catch a movie and watch the stars later.
Things went well, until she received a call from her "Jie". Then she wanted to like turn around and meet her for dinner.
Well, I thought fine I mean, initially I thought she was joking and playing with me. Then I realized it is real and she have no intention of bringing me along. Geez, I was pissed then. But I not sure if I should just pardon her or not. When she told me, if there is a next time she will still leave me for her "Jie" then I started questioning her love for me. She get real upset about it, and ask me not to force her. I mean I do not get it, why is that she can do this to me. All the while, the way she behave and the way she speak to me, it is real positive that she have feelings for me. But why is that person so important to her. I ask myself after I tell her off and she walk off.
Think again and think, after all she been alone here, and the "Jie" is like her only help in here. So I figure maybe that is why?
My next choice is should I go up to her "Jie" to resolve this matter or let nature takes its course. I really ponder. Was all this a mistake? True, I am all happy and everything but sometime I wonder is all this happiness bought using money or it is really coming for me.
Tough choice indeed. Maybe I should not think too much and let it be and let it go. Something I hate to do at times. Lets hope the best for tonight.
+ [ Eloi ] r e m e m b e r agains + 4:46 AM
Friday, February 17, 2006
What is relationship? A verbal commitment? Or a mutual understanding of common stance?
What signify the start? And what really state the end. Sometime it gets real confusing, I cannot judge the start, neither do I know the end. Sometime it overlaps but sitll it is not called 2 timing.
E: Erm S, so what is our relationship like now?
S: Erm just a start.
E: Whatever does that mean?
S: *blush* *blush*
E: Erm are we in or are we out?
S: Up to you lor, what do u think?
E: I supposed we are in rite?
S: Er I need to ask my Jie first
E: Erm, is there a need?
S: Yes, if I pei u, I cannot pei her le
E: .......
Few days later,
E: So have you asked?
S: Yes.
E: Any conclusion then?
S: I tell you on Sunday
E: Erm why does it have to be Sunday and not now?
S: Erm because I need to think.
E: I mean if u had asked and she did not mind, I thought that mean u had thought over already?
S: Yes and No, I still need to think....
E: *thinking* V Day so close to me now have to think again what the hell does that mean?
S: *blush* *blush* I cannot decide now stop asking me, I tell you on Sunday.
E: Dotz, I cannot sleep de. I want to know.
S: You surely can sleep de, just go sleep as normal
E: Dot dot dot
S: I tell you on Sunday for sure
E: So you actually know the answer?
S: Yesh, I told you le
E: When did u do that?
S: I say le I Sunday then tell you
Arghhhhhhhhh, have you ever wonder why human communication is now a subject? Yeah now u know why. Simple yes and no question had just evolved into a mind tumbling and confusing conversation.
+ [ Eloi ] r e m e m b e r agains + 10:27 AM
Second bottle of Martel this month, god I been drinking way too much. But to me I started to feel I am buying happiness. Who say happiness could not be bought, it can be just that it does not last long. I feel depressed, so do my best friend.
Sometime, I really think that it is because I tried so hard to be conservative, I make my life so much more miserable then it should.
Snippet of message from my best friend.
E: Ger sometime I wonder if I am using money to buy happiness that do not exist
J: Why is that so? I drinking tonight. Keke
E: with who? I am only happy when I drink with her and that cost a lot, is not that like buying my happiness?
J: Eeeee next time dun drink with you le
E: why le? dot dot dot no link?
J: Got... You say you only happy when you drink with her.... I rubbish ma
E: What the.... No la. I mean normal dayI no happy. Dotz jealous ah
J: Ya lor.. I unwanted leh.....
E: Haha. Bluff who? I wanted you but you do not want de.
J: Nvm la. I know I unwanted... Dun need comfort me de
E: You ownself know the truth stop lying to yourself. The one you like was never me unless I am really that dumb and never notice
J: Haha.... No body loves me ... For real. No one really loves me. I am just exciting Challenging thats all.
E: Haha. To me nothing is a challenge except myself. I can pamper you but you chose to push me away.
J: I dun need to be pampered.. I wanna love and be loved. Thats all.
E: When i gave you my love for you before, u do not wish to accept so do the rest of the people who does the same. If u think my love for you is fake I have nothing to say. For you yourself knows me better than anyone else.
J: Dun know la.. Keke...
E: Sometime I feel maybe I was the dumb one. For maybe you had chosen me long agoand I did not realized.
0101010111001111 <--- Yeah computer I know you are tired.
But hey the above text make no sense to me. Lolz. If only girls will stop talking in puzzle form to me. Yesh I am damn good in understanding arcane language of computers but gals <> computer so yes I do not understand, call me dumb if you want.
+ [ Eloi ] r e m e m b e r agains + 10:09 AM
Monday, February 06, 2006
Hey Martel, time to make me your spokeman le. I everytime go drink I demand for the best that is Martel. Anyway I was at this nice little bar to drink with my drinking buddy just came back from New Zealand. Hell, the gal was damn sweet. Unfortunately, she only speak chinese and half the time I cannot reply her. Lolz, she must be wondering why I so dao, I mean I speak 99% of the time in English so I doubt she can understand me at all.
Anyway, she mention I got sweet voice ask me to sing for her. Then I say, erm sweet voice does not mean I can see, after all most people commented my singing is akin to a funeral prayer you know? Then she added oh my voice also sweet but I cannot sing also not nice. I was like did not you just answered your question? I mean sweet voice does not mean you can sing. After all, my friend talking voice sounds like Zoe Tay but her singing is like wooo. Fantastic.
Anyway back to the bar, since she was so sweet, whenever we play game, i make sure I attack her and make her drink non stop. Wahaha, damn mean right? But with my crappy luck, I end up drinking more but hell I pay to drink also right?
As I walk off of the bar at 11.30 pm, they asked for a photograph to be taken, geez first time i see this happening. Lame as hell. But never mind since my friend ask me to join in, I drag myself into the picture and smile..... Ba my hair looks like crap again.
Anyway I was thinking since she is so sweet, why not send her a flower or two from a secret admirer to disturb her or something. Lolz I am so full of crazy idea.
Man, I must be drunk....
Drink Drank Drunk
What can I do beside that, without love energy my result is diwildling. Looks like I need some other sources of energy that is more realiable now.
REDBULL endless realiable energy, now selling at $1.99 at your closest convenience store.
IT degree but I love doing advertisement.
+ [ Eloi ] r e m e m b e r agains + 11:03 AM
Sunday, February 05, 2006
Lots of sad post, but here come a morale boosting funny post then :D
Superior: Come on, do not be sad. Look I just found out my girlfriend ran off with another guy and I am still happy
Me: Erm, the problem is you enjoy seeing shows that consist of scene that have intenstine flying out and such. That make you a sadist.
Superior: That is beside the point. I mean why give up the whole sea of fishes for just one?
Me: Becoz she is a barracuda
Superior: You mean she is so big and heavy?
Me: -_-||| I mean she is special
Superior: Try salmon then also quite special
Me: Na, even it is another barracuda it is still not the same. Same look, same behaviour but I know I not refering to the same one.
Superior: Ba, you ah........
Superior2: Nevermind, lets go Geylang, there lots of fishes. All over the world.
Me: Erm........ I do not want. Even free de. Even pretty de. Still not the same.
*Whine like a little baby wanting his toys. Lolz
+ [ Eloi ] r e m e m b e r agains + 8:07 AM
Hypnosis? Why would anyone do that, it is akin to lying to yourself. Listen to the Zhi Wo Chui Mian, maybe you will understand why?
Day by day past by, I work hard and manage the workshop, smiled and work. Not many know I just lost a beloved one. For a girl, they can just cry, all the friends will form around her a protective circle and cheer her on. For a guy, all you get is mocking at your defeat. Crying? You got to be joking, it just show you are vulnerable.
I work hard for others and smiled, I told them for someone's grace that I am forgiving and caring. It is in her grace that I do all these. Everyday I wake up to tell myself, she left me to make me stronger, let me focus and build myself up. One day, I shall ride on the white horse and fetch her back as my princess. Lying is bad but this is the only thing that bring forth energy in me to work against the odds.
Tomorrow is my examination, how I wish she can message me and tell me how much she missed me. That will definitely give me the love power I need to guide me through this tough time. But all I can do is dream. One good advise for all, if you ever Zhi Wo Chui Mian to become stronger, be aware that if one day you find her walking with another man. You will be little better off than drug addict.
Quote from her friend
"Her heart so wide, that she love everyone. But little did you know, it is her love for you that let her overcome the 6 months of hell you gave her"
How can I ever stop loving her after I know all this. How can I ever punish myself for doing this to you. My heart bleeds everyday and I knowingly deserve it for urs bled more than mine. Now this love turn to hate, not even my sincierity can change the fact. For all I do, I have to pay the price. All I can say now is I am bankrupt, for all I did after I lost you was just so insanely dumb, that I lost the fortune I built up over the years.
+ [ Eloi ] r e m e m b e r agains + 7:22 AM